Sentences you'll never see anywhere else

"Silence fell like a piece of wet liver on a hot summer sidewalk."

"She reminded me of a half-shaved Pekinese wearing hoop earrings and a splint."

"I slapped her. She slapped me back. Then we played Barrel of Monkeys."

"On my doorstep I found a bag of pretzels. My favorite kind ... soggy."

"'Excuse me,' the lady in front of me said. 'Is that your spleen?'"

"I'm sorry," the Republican said.

"The pictures were overdeveloped. Too bad I couldn't say the same for Sister Margaret."

"Inside the first box I found 20 atoms of carbon, 45 atoms of argon and a smidgen of cadmium. 'It's elementary,' the delivery boy said."

"That's when the elephant dropped his retainer."

"The bricklayers went on strike. That cemented their relationship, but it made them mortar enemies."

"Won't that be too expensive?" the Democrat asked.