Happy Arizona Statehood Day!

Feb. 14, 1912, was the day that Arizona became the 48th state in the union. Instead of that hearts and flowers craptacular known as Valentine's Day (a.k.a. V.D.), I mark the 14th of February as Arizona Statehood Day.

In commemoration of this, here are some little-known facts about my home state.

• Arizona is the original site of Atlantis. The lack of water throws people off.
• The business about "But it's a dry heat" is a fallacy. It's actually a dry tepidness.
• The state bird of Arizona is the snowbird.
• The name "Arizona" is derived from the Latin word "Arizonius," meaning, "Place where everyone has a backyard pool."
• There is a myth that there is a professional football team in Arizona called the Cardinals. This is only a myth. They may be a team, they may play football, but by no stretch of the imagination can they be considered professionals.
• The Grand Canyon is actually only 5 feet deep and 4 feet wide. When you visit, they make you sign an agreement not to tell anyone so as not to ruin the surprise for other suckers who make the trip.
• There are more convenience stores per capita in Tempe than anywhere else in the world. Or at least, it seems like it.
• The state song is "Take It Easy" by the Eagles. OK, it isn't, but more people know that song than the REAL state song, so no one knows the difference.
• Coincidentally, guys, you can stand on a corner in Winslow, Arizona, all you want, but a girl, my lord, in a flatbed Ford ain't slowin' down to take a look at your dumpy ass.
• The state sport is firewalking. In this event, people try to walk barefoot across a parking lot in Yuma on Aug. 16 at 2 p.m. No one has survived the experience.
• If you took all the sorority girls at Arizona State University and laid them from end to end, no one would be surprised. (with apologies to Mrs. P.)

So take a trip to the Grand Canyon State soon and enjoy all its wonders. Tell them I sent you.