All your songs are belong to us
I wrote previously that there are only 30 songs you'll hear on classic rock radio. I must apologize for exaggerating.
It's really more like 90.
Still, out of 30 years, that's still averages three songs per year. My god, what did these artists do with the rest of their time? Trashing hotel rooms can only account for so much of it.
Here is the complete list of songs you'll hear on classic rock radio. The reason these are the only ones played is because there are no other classic rock songs in the universe. Or at least, they must be. Otherwise, you'd think radio stations would think a little variety might attract more listeners. But, nah, that's crazy talk.
The Beatles
A Day in the Life
Hey Jude
Come Together
Boston
More Than A Feeling
The Cars
Just What I Needed (yes, those Circuit City ads count)
Creedence Clearwater Revival
Have You Ever Seen The Rain
Bad Moon Risin'
Down on the Corner
Deep Purple
Smoke on the Water
Derek and the Dominos
Layla
The Doors
Light My Fire
The Eagles
Every freakin' song on the first greatest hits album
Hotel California
Life in the Fast Lane
Fleetwood Mac
Go Your Own Way
Foreigner
Feels Like The First Time
Hot Blooded
Urgent
Jukebox Hero
Golden Earring
Radar Love
Jimi Hendrix
All Along the Watchtower
Elton John
Every song on the first greatest hits album, except for Border Song
Led Zeppelin
Stairway to Heaven
Rock N' Roll
Kashmir
Fool In The Rain
John Lennon
Imagine
Lynyrd Skynyrd
Sweet Home Alabama
Simple Man
and, of course ... FREEBIIIIRD!!!
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
Breakdown
Refugee
(you may think you've heard "Free Fallin'" but you haven't. The song's too new for classic rock radio ... it's only 17 years old at this point. Go figure.)
Pink Floyd
All of "Dark Side of the Moon," except out of order and without "Great Gig In the Sky" or that "Doot-doodle-doot-doodle" synthesizer track that's really the soundtrack for the part where Dorothy falls in the pigpen and is rescued by the guy who turns out to be the Cowardly Lion
All of "Wish You Were Here," except the last part of "Shine On You Crazy Diamond"
The five real songs on "The Wall," a.k.a. the ones that don't have to do with the "plot"
Queen
Bohemian Rhapsody
Fat Bottomed Girls
The Rolling Stones
Satisfaction
You Can't Always Get What You Want
Jumpin' Jack Flash
Brown Sugar
Miss You
Rush
Tom Sawyer
Spirit of Radio
Bob Seger
Night Moves
Hollywood Nights
Turn the Page
Bruce Springsteen
Born To Run
Born in the USA
Glory Days
The Steve Miller Band
Take the Money and Run
Jet Airliner (usually substituting the line "Funky sh*t going down in the city" to "Funky kicks going down in the city")
Rod Stewart
Maggie Mae
Styx
Come Sail Away
T-Rex
Get It On (Bang a Gong)
The Who
My Generation
Pinball Wizard
Baba O'Reilly
Behind Blue Eyes
Won't Get Fooled Again
Who Are You (swapping the "Who the f**k are you" line for another line in the song)
ZZ Top
La Grange
Give Me All Your Lovin
Legs
Sharp Dressed Man
You may have thought you heard songs by the Grateful Dead, Bob Dylan, Simon and Garfunkel, The Kinks, Elvis Presley, the Beach Boys, Neil Young, Van Morrison or Steely Dan, and you may even thought you have heard other songs by the acts mentioned above, but it was just the stuff you were smoking at the time.
After all, we all know Bruce Springsteen didn't do any more albums after "Born in the USA" in 1984. And John Lennon only wrote one song after he left the Beatles.
Those other songs don't exist. Classic rock radio says so.
It's really more like 90.
Still, out of 30 years, that's still averages three songs per year. My god, what did these artists do with the rest of their time? Trashing hotel rooms can only account for so much of it.
Here is the complete list of songs you'll hear on classic rock radio. The reason these are the only ones played is because there are no other classic rock songs in the universe. Or at least, they must be. Otherwise, you'd think radio stations would think a little variety might attract more listeners. But, nah, that's crazy talk.
The Beatles
A Day in the Life
Hey Jude
Come Together
Boston
More Than A Feeling
The Cars
Just What I Needed (yes, those Circuit City ads count)
Creedence Clearwater Revival
Have You Ever Seen The Rain
Bad Moon Risin'
Down on the Corner
Deep Purple
Smoke on the Water
Derek and the Dominos
Layla
The Doors
Light My Fire
The Eagles
Every freakin' song on the first greatest hits album
Hotel California
Life in the Fast Lane
Fleetwood Mac
Go Your Own Way
Foreigner
Feels Like The First Time
Hot Blooded
Urgent
Jukebox Hero
Golden Earring
Radar Love
Jimi Hendrix
All Along the Watchtower
Elton John
Every song on the first greatest hits album, except for Border Song
Led Zeppelin
Stairway to Heaven
Rock N' Roll
Kashmir
Fool In The Rain
John Lennon
Imagine
Lynyrd Skynyrd
Sweet Home Alabama
Simple Man
and, of course ... FREEBIIIIRD!!!
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
Breakdown
Refugee
(you may think you've heard "Free Fallin'" but you haven't. The song's too new for classic rock radio ... it's only 17 years old at this point. Go figure.)
Pink Floyd
All of "Dark Side of the Moon," except out of order and without "Great Gig In the Sky" or that "Doot-doodle-doot-doodle" synthesizer track that's really the soundtrack for the part where Dorothy falls in the pigpen and is rescued by the guy who turns out to be the Cowardly Lion
All of "Wish You Were Here," except the last part of "Shine On You Crazy Diamond"
The five real songs on "The Wall," a.k.a. the ones that don't have to do with the "plot"
Queen
Bohemian Rhapsody
Fat Bottomed Girls
The Rolling Stones
Satisfaction
You Can't Always Get What You Want
Jumpin' Jack Flash
Brown Sugar
Miss You
Rush
Tom Sawyer
Spirit of Radio
Bob Seger
Night Moves
Hollywood Nights
Turn the Page
Bruce Springsteen
Born To Run
Born in the USA
Glory Days
The Steve Miller Band
Take the Money and Run
Jet Airliner (usually substituting the line "Funky sh*t going down in the city" to "Funky kicks going down in the city")
Rod Stewart
Maggie Mae
Styx
Come Sail Away
T-Rex
Get It On (Bang a Gong)
The Who
My Generation
Pinball Wizard
Baba O'Reilly
Behind Blue Eyes
Won't Get Fooled Again
Who Are You (swapping the "Who the f**k are you" line for another line in the song)
ZZ Top
La Grange
Give Me All Your Lovin
Legs
Sharp Dressed Man
You may have thought you heard songs by the Grateful Dead, Bob Dylan, Simon and Garfunkel, The Kinks, Elvis Presley, the Beach Boys, Neil Young, Van Morrison or Steely Dan, and you may even thought you have heard other songs by the acts mentioned above, but it was just the stuff you were smoking at the time.
After all, we all know Bruce Springsteen didn't do any more albums after "Born in the USA" in 1984. And John Lennon only wrote one song after he left the Beatles.
Those other songs don't exist. Classic rock radio says so.
posted by T.C. at 3:01 PM
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