Biting Satire

My mother always told me
Not to chew my fingernail
"Something bad will come of it"
She'd warn me without fail

But I would never listen
And I could see no wrong
In chewing on that fingernail
So I chewed it all day long

The toppest part, it soon was gone
And then went all the rest
I chewed it to the cuticle
And that part was the best

I couldn't stop at just that one
So I finished it and then
I scarfed down nails 2 and 3
On through to number 10

I sat there feeling satisfied
I thought that would show my mom
Nothing bad had happened yet
Wouldn't she just feel so dumb?

I felt something inside of me
It ran inside my chest
It raced through my esophagus
And spilled onto my vest

It was a bright pink gastropod
Or what you'd call a snail
Down from my mouth to the floor
It left an icky trail

It looked at me so evilly
And then it had to say
"You silly boy, your mom was right
And now I'll run away"

"You should listen to your mom
And always pay her heed
When she tells you what not to do
It's to tell you what you need"

"Why do you think she told you
To never chew your nails
It's because the naughty boys who do
Will end up spitting snails"

That snarking snail then slid away
And hurried our the door
I swear it was much faster
Than I'd seen one move before

So now I know my mother
Tells me things because she loves
And I always keep my fingernails
Inside steel-plated gloves