Stuff I've got lying around

Dirty Deeds
I like sex, I think it's great
That opinion, I've never hid it
The only problem I've ever had
Is thinking my parents did it

***

Ode To A Cotton Swab
"Don't stick Q-tips in your ears"
My mother's old refrain
I've done it for years and years
It's never caused me pain

Despite my mom's deepest fears
I never will abstain
My brain still works, it appears
Hmm ... what's my name again?

***

To the monster in my closet
I know you're in there
Get out here at once
You can't frighten me
I'm not just a dunce
Sure, you have fangs
And blood on your paw
An ax in one hand
In the other, a saw
You may rip off my arms
And use them as bats
Tear off my skull
And make it a hat
Slash open my midriff
Rip out all my guts
Grind them together
And make them cold cuts
But nothing can scare me
Yes, this you can bet
Like those dopes in the White House
(Is it '08 yet?)